I had a hectic night the other night. Penny, my pregnant miniature yorkshire terrier, was going into labour two days early. She decided she wanted to stay with me all night, and it began at 2am. I sat by her and read my book while stroking her and talking to her, and she looked happier. I could feel the puppy kicking inside her when i put my hand on her stomach. It was so lovely. Then, i went to the toilet, and when i got back to my bedroom, Bracken, the daddy dog, decided it would be a good idea to "mark his territory" on my pillow. Great. Fantastic. Piss pillow.
I continued looking after Penny, and then she stood up, and began breathing weirdly. I thought something was going to happen, turned out she walked over to my pillow and vomited on it. Hooray. It's a good thing i have a double bed, and had a towel handy.
I accidently fell asleep at some point, and woke at 6 to Penny crying and Bracken looking extremely worried and curious. I stroked her more, then i realised that the puppy was coming. Now! I was kinda scared. Half an hour later, mum woke up, and Penny wanted to go see her, so she followed her downstairs. Mum took over looking after Penny, and i decided to try and get some sleep and wake up later to the sound of a squealing puppy. I was woken up by mum after a few minutes instead. She told me the puppy was stuck.
I went downstairs with mum and we sat in the living room, leaving Penny alone in the kitchen so she could do her thing. But after a while, nothing happened, just the head came out. It actually was stuck! We rang the vet, and after lots of abuse and her calling mum "irresponsible, as a breeder you should know what to do" even though mum isn't a breeder, her dog's just pregnant, we decided to take Penny to the vet down the road, which didn't have the nasty woman on the phone there. I didn't go with her though.
At the vets, the vet told us what we already knew. The puppy was dead. She pulled it out, and apparently mum had never heard Penny cry so much. The vet gave us painkillers, and told us not to touch her stomach for a while because she might start making milk in her boobies and this could lead to a build up in her boobies and then an infection.
Mum took her home, and since then, Penny hasn't left her bed for more than 10 minutes. She just lies there and faces the wall... she's definitely grieving. She was always such a good mother to her pups...
The vet told us the puppy was very big and very healthy, but it's front legs were the wrong way round, so he got stuck. If the pup had just managed to stretch his legs out, he could have been alright... It's so awfully sad. We forgot to ask the gender, but we think it was a boy.
Anyways, we've decided to not let her have puppies any more. Every time she has, there's been a death, and this is the last time. We simply can't risk her going through such trauma again.
Bracken is very careful around Penny, but tries to cuddle her as much as she'll let him. Bless their hearts. :(
So in about two weeks time, we'll be taking Penny to the vets, and we'll never let this happen to her again.
I was looking forward to putting pictures up and telling you all how he was doing. :(
I hope Penny feels better soon. It's so heart breaking seeing her like this...

 I made a little paper bird out of a train ticket today. I left it on the table me and my boyfriend were sitting at on the train, after writing on the wings "Even the small things matter." Spur of the moment, and i hope it makes someone happy. :)

The other day, i went to an appointment at this place that is helping me sort my life out and see where my future could be. The person sitting at the desk was beautiful, with striking blue eyes and a good taste in jewellery. I made sure she knew this, and she said i'd made her day. Knowing that i made her day made my day. :)

Today, i was at a big shopping centre with my boyfriend. It's a shopping mall with an upstairs area which you get to by escalators, like most shopping malls. As we walked by, right in front of us, a full bottle of Fruit Shoot fell to the ground from above. I looked up and saw a child who had obviously dropped the bottle. I then picked up the bottle, and said to my boyfriend, "I need to give this back to her. Come on, quick, let's get on those escalators and catch her before she goes!" To which, he replied that i am insane, and it was a stupid idea. I insisted, then he dragged me to a bin and told me to just drop it in there. I did. I wish i hadn't.
Later on, i bought us two balloons, one each, which he thought was a stupid idea. But i wanted them. I got our favourite colours, mine blue and his green. He warmed up to the idea eventually, and instead of me carrying around both of them and begging him to take his balloon, he began to carry it too.
After a while, we went outside so i could have a cigarrette. There was a child crying, and it's mother and father were trying to make it smile. I watched them, as they took out a pair of tiny shoes for the child, and proceeded to take the other shoes off and put the new ones on. The child began laughing, and got out of it's pram to walk around in them. He then spotted our balloons, and looked at us in amazement. I thought it was so cute.
After i'd finished my cigarrette, we walked past the child to go back inside. I said to my boyfriend, "Look at his face. I want to give him my balloon." My boyfriend once again told me this was a silly idea, as we were going to go and order a pizza from Pizza Hut with our voices altered by these helium balloons. So i walked past the child, still holding my balloon. I wish i hadn't.

Near the end of the day, my boyfriend wanted to get a burger from McDonald's, so we went in. I walked up to one of those things they have in there that you put your change into and it spins around in circles then drops into the hole. I took out my purse, and began to put a penny in at a time, watching them spin. My boyfriend came over and began to do the same. I then saw a young girl watching us, and watching the pennies spinning. She looked amazed, and went to her mother to ask for a penny. The mother said no. I took out two pence, and said to my boyfriend, "I'm going to give this to her, so she can make it spin into that thing too." Once again, he discouraged me from doing this, claiming it was a silly idea. So i put the penny back into my purse and walked away with him. I wish i hadn't.

I'm not saying my boyfriend is a bitter and nasty person. He's one of the most incredible people i've ever met. He thinks i'm extremely odd at times.
I love him very much. But sometimes, i wish he would understand that i don't just want to make the people i know happy, i want to make everybody happy. I want to at least try. Seeing anybody smile makes my heart race, and makes me feel good, especially when i'm to blame for their smile.
He's all for my paper crane idea, which was mentioned in a previous blog. But why only limit myself to one planned idea, when i have so many more which are just spur of the moment opportunities.
I wish he could understand that i don't do these things for myself, i do these things because i want to learn and feel true happiness and be content with myself just how i am.
Making people smile is a good skill to have. And so easy to do.
GOD DAMMIT BOY LET ME DO THIS.

 

I'm not good with Xanga, at all.
I love reading other people's posts, and commenting occasionally. But i'm a little person in a huge world, and don't have much to say really.
I think i'm going to start trying to make more of an effort though, with my blogs.

And first of all, i'll say a little bit about me :)
My name's Abbey. I'm from England. I'm 16, and hopefully starting a massage course at collage soon.
My dream is to open up my own cute little gift shop, with handmade everything, and a cafe, and a massage bit inside.
Right now, i have a bunch of pink lillies on my window sill, because they're my favourite flowers. They were only 89p, because they were dying, but i helped them. They're gorgeous!
I love anything with polka dots on them.

I hate people, but i still want to make them happy.
I prefer being alone most of the time.
My budgie died recently. I got him when i was two. I miss him.
I've always wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride. And go zorbing.
I adore animals.

My mother has depression and is disabled, my sister has bi-polar depression, and i have social anxiety disorder.
I don't have a dad.
I love watching the sunset with my dogs. And rise.
I also have a minor case of OCD.
I'm small, 5ft 2, and have size 6 feet. Hahaha.
I love food.
I'm 8st 2.

I love my life :) very very much.

Now, there's something else i want you to know about me. I love making paper cranes. I love inspirational, happy quotes. And i love making people smile. I think the most attractive thing about a person is their smile. It makes my heart feel warm.
So, i thought... why not combine paper cranes, quotes, and smiles altogether in one? I made some paper cranes, wrote happy, special quotes on their wings, and left them in random places when i went to my nearest city, and on the trains. I want people to find them and realise that even people who don't know you, care greatly about you. :)
I hope i've made at least one person smile with the paper birds i've left.

Have a nice day :)